


He Murdered My Snowman

by startrekkingaroundasgard



Series: Festive Ficlets 2019 [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Feelings, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, festive fluff, stupid idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:00:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21681355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/startrekkingaroundasgard/pseuds/startrekkingaroundasgard
Summary: After Bucky destroys Clint’s snowman, Natasha steps in to mediate their reconciliationPrompts: “he murdered my snowman” and “It’s the season to be gay”.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Series: Festive Ficlets 2019 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559245
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	He Murdered My Snowman

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BarnesnMrNoble](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarnesnMrNoble/gifts).



The entire far side of the Compound shuddered as the shockwave rocked its very foundations. FRIDAY reported shattered windows in the lower common room but sensors in the area were down, damaged by the explosion, and unable to confirm the presence of intruders or assess the true threat to the building. 

Steve snatched his shield from beneath the worktop and sprinted towards the danger, closely followed by Tony. As they raced through the hallways, pieces of armour attached themselves to Tony who barely stumbled as they clicked into place. Natasha, the only other Avenger in the building, soon appeared as well, gun in hand, prepared to face off anything from HYDRA agents to alien invaders clothed only in soft, fluffy pyjamas. 

On three the trio burst into the common room, ready to blast the crap out of the intruders, but came to an abrupt halt. Instead of a deadly group of assassins or an army of terrifying creatures, all they saw was two idiots jumping over the furniture and taking shots at one another.

Tony’s face plate clicked open. “What the fuck is going on here?" 

"Clint tried to kill me!” Bucky yelled, diving behind the tattered remains of the sofa. The cushions were torn, stuffing strewn sadly across the floor. With incredible reflexes, he plucked an arrow from the air above his head and tossed it aside - straight towards Steve, Tony and Natasha. 

The latter recognised the trick arrow immediately and shoved the men aside. Natasha rolled behind Steve, both just managing to hide behind his shield, as the arrow exploded and released a mess of sticky goo. 

Natasha didn’t have to utter a single word to stop Clint in his tracks. His angry resolve faltering beneath her penetrating stare, the archer lowered his bow and fumbled with an explanation. “I was provoked! He murdered my snowman!”

“And that was worth blowing a hole in the side of my building?” Tony jabbed, stepping out of the suit now that it was clear there was no real danger around here save for the idiocy of two juveniles in grown men’s bodies. Careful to avoid the bubbling mess of goo on the ground, not certain that even his armour would protect him from that, he glanced to Natasha and muttered, “I’ll call the builders. You sort out the children.”

She nodded in agreement then returned her attention to Clint and Bucky. The two of them had taken up positions on opposite sides of the room, poised like generals ready to lead their non existent armies into war. It was ridiculous but at least neither had taken arms and were instead just staring intently at each other, as if through the power of staring alone that they might melt the other’s brains. 

When that didn’t happen, Natasha took the shield from Steve’s hand - he offered no resistance, actually taking the opportunity to run after Tony and wash his hands of responsibility of this stupidity - and stepped straight into the firing line. 

“Now,” Natasha started, utilising her best ‘mum voice’. She pushed as much disappointment into her tone as possibly, until her words were literally dripping with content, and both Clint and Bucky immediately lowered their heads in shame. “As hard as it is to remember, the two of you are actually adults. Behave like it for once.”

“But -”

Cutting Clint off instantly, aware that if she gave him an inch that he’d take a mile and talk until she gave in, Natasha lifted a finger and said, “No buts, Barton. Sit down. You’re going to talk it out.”

The pair sat on what remained of the sofa, so far apart at opposite ends that it almost made Natasha laugh. They couldn’t have been more obvious if they’d tried. Holding out her hand, she beckoned, “Hand over the weapons. All of them.”

With a most dramatic sigh, Bucky handed over his knives (beautifully crafted weapons, perfectly balanced and just the right size for Natasha’s hands; she wondered if he’d notice one missing) and Clint grudgingly passed across a few smaller arrows he’d been hiding somewhere. The boys watched her as she set them aside, hidden from view and temptation beneath Cap’s shield. She did, however, keep one of Bucky’s amazing knives to hand. 

It quickly became clear that neither was willing to speak first, or crucially apologise for their ridiculous behaviour. With no other choice than to lead the discussion, Natasha asked, “Bucky, why did you murder Clint’s snowman?”

“In my defence, I didn’t know it was even a snowman. It was basically just a lump of snow with some stones in it. All it took was a little shove and the whole thing fell down. Plus,” Bucky said. He had sat up straight now and became more animated in his argument with every new word. “Clint stole one of my scarves and ruined it by wrapping it around the snowman.”

Pointing the blade in Clint’s direction, Natasha prompted, “Clint, why did you steal his scarf?”

“Because it’s nice. I always looks good on Bucky and I wanted my snowman to look nice too. How was I meant to know that snow would ruin it?”

“Common sense, dear. Why did you shoot Bucky with an exploding arrow?”

“He killed my snowman!”

Natasha narrowed her eyes, unimpressed but deep down not at all surprised by the over the top reaction. “That barely warrants a regular arrow, Clint.” He opened his mouth to argue but Natasha spoke straight over him, too tired to listen to his bizarre logic. “Look, you both acted stupidly. Just kiss and make up, alright? If you love me, which I know you do, then you’ll do this for me so I can go back to bed and sleep.”

In exact unison, the men both exclaimed, “Why would I kiss him?" 

"Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe because it’s the season to be gay. Maybe because you’ve been pining over each other for months and I’m sick of you doing stupid things like this to get each other’s attention. This is the fifth room that Tony has had to have rebuilt after you’ve fought and I have lost count over the number of times you’ve stolen something from each other to feel close. Can’t you just, for once in your lives, be normal?”

Not allowing them an opportunity to argue - not that either could, both stunned into silence by her words and the realisation that she was, in fact, right - Natasha scooped all the weapons up into her arms and strode out of the room. 

However, bothered by the lack of talking, at the doorway, she looked back over her shoulder and immediately sighed. The two men were locked in a tight embrace, kissing each other in a way that made even her blush. Having seen too much tongue in those few seconds for a lifetime, she rolled her eyes and muttered, “Idiots,” under her breath, leaving them to get it on in peace. 

“FRIDAY,” Natasha said. “Enact barn door protocol on the lower common room. No one else needs to see that today.”

“You got it,” the AI responded. “When shall I deactivate the programme?”

For a brief moment, Natasha considered never as a perfectly valid request. The pair had access to a kitchen and a bathroom in there, plus TV and all kinds of modcons - which they had, admittedly, damaged beyond repair during their earlier fight. She knew eventually they’d get bored of sex and go back to annoying each other too and she didn’t have the energy to intervene again. 

“Give them a few hours then tell them to take it to their room. Oh, and apologise to the cleaning staff in advance. In fact, get Tony to give them a raise. They’ll deserve it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought! Happy holidays!


End file.
